Sunday, May 14, 2017

What I'm Not Buying: Lorac Pirates of the Caribbean Palette

Lorac has come out with a palette "inspired by" the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie. 

And I won't be buying. 

If there was ever a makeup item that I would buy for bullshit nostalgia reasons, it might be something related to Pirates of the Caribbean. This was a worldview-changing movie for me (we're only talking Curse of the Black Pearl), and it remains one of my all-time favorite movies. 

There was no way in hell I was going to see that movie when I saw previews for it—it seemed "old timey" for lack of a better word, fantasy-esque, and violent, which were three things that I hated when I was high school–aged and not something I love now. My friend saw it and loved it, but she and I had vastly different tastes at the time. A bunch of my friends got together for a movie on my birthday—which was supposed to be the Lindsay Lohan Freaky Friday—but this same friend pulled a coup and instead bought a ticket to Pirates. (On my birthday!) I was so upset and begrudgingly bought my ticket, despite her reassurance that she was doing me a favor.

And instantly, it became the best movie I had ever seen because I had not been exposed to many "quality" movies at all. I went back to watch it in the theater another three times, bought it on DVD the moment I could, watched and rewatched it and all the special features (this remains the ONLY DVD that I watched the special features), and I even (and this is true) wrote the dialogue of the entire movie from memory while bored and not paying attention in my history class. 

Curse of the Black Pearl hit me so hard that I sought out every movie Johnny Depp had ever made, which then made me seek out Tim Burton's entire catalogue, which in turn was responsible for my entire graduate education and career path. 

For the record, I saw the second and third movies (I don't even remember what they are called) one time each and hated both, and I haven't seen any of the rest. I'm not even sure what number movie they're at now. But Curse of the Black Pearl is still in my top five favorites and is responsible for many choices I've made in the direction of my life. 

So, again, let me reiterate that if there was EVER a makeup item that I would buy for nostalgia, it would probably be something like this. But I'm not buying it. And do you know why? 

Because I don't need it! 

Adding this expensive, bulky palette to my collection would not enhance my love for that (first) movie, and it would not emphasize the incredible impact it has had on my life. It would just be me giving money to Lorac for the crappy move of capitalizing on my heartstrings to give them money. 

NOPE. Not doing it. 

Let's look at this palette:

This is probably the least-inspired palette I have seen in a long time. This is a collection of neutrals with one orange and one blue. This is also a palette with a ton of browns and creams, because who doesn't have enough of those? 

This is touted as a "Pro" Lorac palette, and I have to call bullshit on that. Lorac isn't my favorite brand for a lot of reasons, but one of the biggest complaints I have is that there is a massive quality control issue within the brand. The Pro 1 and Pro 2 palettes have been praised for their great quality, which then made everyone ask the question: "Why aren't all Lorac palettes this good?" The answer was that these palettes had the "pro" formula and all the other ones didn't. The prices on the admittedly lower quality ones were just as high as the Pro, which really rubbed me the wrong way. Then the Pro 3 came out, and there was a formula change. And people started reporting that it wasn't nearly as good as the first two pro palettes. And now it seems that whatever Lorac comes out with, they are claiming it has this better "pro" formula. But, reviews have proven otherwise. Lorac knows that the "pro" formula sells better than anything else in their line, so instead of actually making all of their products high quality, they just claim that they are high quality. Awesome. Way to go. 

This 18-shadow palette is a whopping $52 for 0.36 ounces of product. Let me put that in perspective for you. The Lorac Pro palette is $42 for 16 shadows and 0.51 ounces of product. So, even though you are getting two more shadows, you are getting significantly less product (and Lorac Pro shadows don't have much product in the first place) and you are paying $10 more. I'm sorry, what? In comparison, one of my favorite palettes, Ciate London Pretty, has nine shadows and 0.56 ounces of product for $35. 

The reason for this ridiculous price gouge is because of the Pirates of the Caribbean branding. They have to pay Disney to license the name and likeness, and they still want to make money, so they cut costs in production by making the palette subpar (while claiming that it is the "pro" formula), cut the amount of product you get, and then raise the price. 

All so I can, what? Go down memory lane with one of my favorite movies? I don't think so. 

Frankly, if you wanted to buy a Lorac Pro palette and liked the color scheme, you might as well just get the Lorac Pro 2:

The color schemes aren't exact, but they are pretty close. 

If I bought this palette, it would basically be for this:

Which is to say, just the idea of it. And the thing that pisses me off the most about a release like this is that had this palette come out while I was in high school and scribbling down the entire Curse of the Black Pearl in my history notebook, I would have HAD to have this. I would have bought it the second I could, and probably would have preordered it if that was an option. Lorac would have totally preyed on my love for this movie and sold me an overpriced, underperforming piece of glorified memorabilia. And that makes me disappointed. 

If I want a nostalgic piece of memorabilia for a movie I love, I'll buy a poster or a trinket or something that is made to be looked at and displayed. I won't buy overpriced makeup that it so bulky and uninspired that I'll never use it. Sorry, Lorac, but you're gonna have to try a hell of a lot harder than that. 

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